Say Goodbye to Cancer Hole!

So I had my plastic surgery consultation last week to cover up my cancer hole, and I was 100% excited and 0% nervous… well 70% excited and 30% nervous… no let’s go 80% excited and 20% nervous.

I was nervous because this was my first time going to a plastic surgeon and I wasn’t sure how easy it would be to fix my cancer hole.

I was excited because this was my first time going to a plastic surgeon and I was REALLY excited about what I’d see in the waiting room!!

I was going to play the game ‘Guess what they’re having done’ and ‘Guess what went horrible wrong and now has to be fixed’ and, my all time favorite, ‘Real or Fake?!?’.

Well, sadly, to get me in to their packed scheduling they made my appointment during the office lunch break, which meant… NO ONE was in the waiting room… worst. day. ever. Oh and the doctor said it would take just a couple in-office procedures and they’d have my nose looking like there was never a cancer hole… like Hubby, he also asked me to stop calling it “The Cancer Hole”.  WORST DAY EVER!!!!!

;)

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Thank You for Getting Cancer!!… and now Hubby is going to divorce me…

So I had promised Hubby that I would not blog about this next thing… that I’m about to blog about… I’M SORRY!! BUT IT’S SO AWESOMELY FUNNY!!!!

So before I was going in for my skin cancer procedure, the MOHs or something or other. I got a LOVELY bouquet of flowers from Hubby’s family, my in-laws, which was REALLY sweet and wonderful of them… however… it took an unexpected turn when I saw the balloon attached to the flowers…

Thank You

So being who I am, I had to send them a Facebook thank note that went something like this:

Thank you so much Hubby’s family, who sent me my favorite flowers and a wonderful note letting me know they are thinking of me during my procedure tomorrow… however… thanking me for getting skin cancer, was a little too far. 

HILARIOUS right!?!?

Not. To. Hubby.

Hubby: BABE! You know that was supposed to be a Thinking of You balloon!!

Me: Of course! But it wasn’t, it was a Thank You balloon… AND IT MADE THE GIFT SO MUCH BETTER!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Hubby: My aunt has a bit of an accent and they misunderstood her.

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Hubby: You can’t blog about this.

Me: HAHAHA…. wait… what the what!?! Babe I have to!! It’s brilliant!!!!

Hubby: No, you already posted it on Facebook. No. Blogging.

Me:…

So ya, I’m probably getting divorce papers served to me when I get home…. BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY!!!!!!

 

 

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Cancer pity no longer has a hold on Hubby… dammit

Hubby: That was it!

Me: What? What was it??

Hubby: That was the last “But babe, I had Cancer” you get to use!

Me: WHAT!?

Hubby: I’m sorry, but you have grossly misused your cancer excuse.

Me: I’ve only used it like… I don’t know… 10 times?

Hubby: Add another zero to that number and the last one was asking me to change the channel for you.

Me: Seriously!?! But I’m tired, what’s wrong with asking you to change the channel!?

Hubby: THE REMOTE WAS IN YOUR HAND!!

Me: But babe *pointing to my nose* I had Cancer.

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Cancer hole, not as awe inspiring as you thought it would be…

So 3 days after all the Cancer was removed from my nose, I finally worked up the courage to show Hubby the horror that is… My Cancer Hole.

Hubby: That’s it?

Me: What do you mean “that’s it”!?!?

Hubby: I don’t know… I was expecting something more.

Me: THERE’S A HOLE IN MY NOSE!

Hubby: Ya a little one, well that’s kinda disappointing.  Like I said, I was expecting something… more.

Me: Stop saying that!! Look at it! There’s a hole on the tip of my nose!  I hardly even have a tip anymore!!… I… I… I can’t believe I’m defending my cancer hole.

Hubby: Oh calm down, and another thing, you REALLY need to stop calling it that.

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Cancer Free!! And only slightly Voldemort like…

Well it’s done!  I had my MOHs surgery and all the cancer is gone from my nose!! For those of you that don’t know, M.O.H.s stands for MOTHERFUCKER WHAT THE FUCKING HELL HAPPENED TO MY NOSE!?!?!… or something like that.

As I’d stated in past posts, skin cancer is SO low in the Cancer Family Tree of Horribleness, that when my tests came back positive, I had no plan on dwelling on my misfortune and was just gonna pull up my big girl panties and deal.

And that’s what I did, even after the first test slice came back positive for cancer, and then the second slice, and then the third, and the fourth. By the fifth slice I was the only person left in a testing waiting room, which had been packed to the rafters when this all started.

P.S. I was easily 20 years younger then everyone in that waiting room… Skin Care FAIL.

But FINALLY at the fifth slice my results came back clear of Cancer!  I was thrilled, so were Amy, Jen, and Nicole…  I really got to know my cancer testing crew.   They crowded around me giving high fives and doing our victory cancer free dance that Amy and I had choreographed out during the wait… you don’t understand… I get bored easily… and I HAD BEEN THERE 7 HOURS!!!

With the celebration dying down I ran over to a side mirror and pulled back the bandage to see the final results… I should have realized this was a mistake, by the way Jen jumped towards me in an attempt to stop me from getting to the mirror, and the horrified gasp Amy let out.

… Holy… Fuck… the tip of my nose was gone.

Now I know I had said that “fuck it, it’s just skin cancer and what ever happens happens”… but dude… THE TIP OF MY FUCKING NOSE WAS GONE!

I decided right there and then to allow my self a little pity party, and completely broke down in tears.  Amy and Nicole were quick to join in, they’re sympathetic cries… not really the best people to have at a cancer office.

But seeing them crying made me start laughing and then I snorted and that totally cracked them up and then Amy snorted and by the time the doctor came in to discuss plastic surgery options we were completely out of control, seriously, I think Nicole may have wet herself.

So to recap, Cancer is gone! YAY! Nose is not looking that great. BOO! But plastic surgery consultation is next week with surgery to follow. YAY!

Thanks to all of you who sent me warm wishes and kind thoughts.  You’re all fucking fantastic!!

And yes, I dyed my hair again... Cancer Survivor Yo!!

And yes, I dyed my hair again… Cancer Survivor Yo!!

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Emma Stone, Spice Girls, and Your Dog Pooping on Your Pillow… it’s that kind of Friday.

So my good friend Emma is a HUGE Spice Girls Fan… seriously… she will lose her shit the minute a Spice Girl song comes on.  Doesn’t matter where we are, it could be at a club, in a car, at a funeral… although I’m not sure who would be playing Spice Girls at a funeral… well probably Emma actually.  I could see the first note play and BAM Emma pops out of her coffin and starts jamming to Spice Up Your Life, all zombie style.

Okay I totally went off topic, but I’m allowing as the image of Zombie Emma flailing around to Spice Up Your Life is hilarious.

But anywho back to what I was saying, so my Emma posts this video to her Facebook page showing that Emma Stone is a HUGE Spice Girls Fan also, and this is the conversation that came from it.

My Emma: Emma’s always have good taste. Emma Stone loving the spice girls is just another example of how awesome my name is!

Me: Although to be fair, you would have nailed ALL the words.

My Emma: I know! I was very disappointed by that. I also found out Emma Stones first name is really Emily, I have never felt more betrayed in my life.

Me:  IT’S ALL A LIE!!!!!

My Emma: It’s like when your dog poops on your pillow. You’re like wtf man?!?!? But yet you can’t stop loving him. Emma Stone why would you do this to me?!?!?!?!

Me: … my dog doesn’t poop on my pillow… but um ya… I can see the similarity.

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The Puppuccino… IT’S REAL!!!!

So like every other woman in the world, YES, I’m using ‘world’ now as I’m absolutely positive that every woman in the world…. is on Pinterest.

I have the following image on my Pinterest page titled “I’M TOTALLY GOING TO DO THIS!”.

PIN IT

I give you the Puppuccino… apparently, per the pin, and why would the pin lie to me, you can go to Starbucks and requested the mystical Puppuccino and they will give you a little cup of whipped cream for your dog!

I have always wanted to test this but either forgot or didn’t have Orko with me during my Starbuck visits.  Well it FINALLY happened! At Starbucks, and not only did I have Orko with me, but I remembered to ask, thanks to Hubby… kinda…

See Hubby was in the driver seat and giving our order to the Starbucks speaker lady.

Hubby: Do you want whip cream on your frap?

Me: Ya… OH MY GOD!!! WHIP CREAM!!! YES!!!!!!

Hubby: Okay calm down there screamy, maybe you don’t need any more sugar.

Me: NO, NO, NO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND… and yes I always need more sugar… BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEAN!!! *SQUEEL* *GASP* ask her for… *hushed whisper*… The Puppuccino.

Hubby: The what now?

Me: THE PUPPUCCINO!

Hubby: … no, stop making words up.

Luckily my scream of excitement carried across our car and into the speaker.

Starbucks Speaker Lady: Okay and one puppuccino, anything else?

Hubby: Seriously it’s real?

Me: YES!!!! WOOO HOOOOOOOO

And here is the photo montage of Orko, and his puppuccino… I will spare you the photo montage of the dairy diarrhea that followed 2 hours later… I’m just kidding, I didn’t take pictures of that… weirdos.

What is this?

What is this?

Is this a trick

Is this a trick

ooooohhhhhhh Sweet Daisy Jane That's Good!!!ooooohhhhhhh Sweet Daisy Jane That’s Good!!!

Do I have any on my face?

Do I have any on my face?

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